i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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