I think i peed on brittanys purse
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
