Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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