Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(651): View more from Minnesota

nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent

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(281): View more from Texas

i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks

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(515): View more from Iowa

we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records

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(630): View more from Illinois

I just remember telling jokes while vomitting

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(217): View more from Illinois

What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up

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(813): View more from Florida

He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.

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(719): View more from Colorado

She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time

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(913): View more from Kansas

Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.

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