But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
