I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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