I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Boobs are out for the taking
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
