With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
