Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize