JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
