Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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