I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
