Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
