Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
