saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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