I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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