I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize