and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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