ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
