dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
