Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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