i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I think I am morally bankrupt
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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