New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
