your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
