If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
