I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize