No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
