I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
