is your mom at the bar?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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