at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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