Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
