The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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