so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
