Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
