bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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