Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
