I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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