Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize