You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
