glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
