i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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