I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
