That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
