Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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