I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
