Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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