I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
