well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
