Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
