it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
