From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
