why do cheetos always look like penises
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Text me some of your sweat
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
