Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
