Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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