Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
