yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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