i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
