just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
