no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
