You can't motorboat a personality
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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