I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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