I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My dick has a subreddit
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
