Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
