there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
