It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
