I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
