he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
