weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
tell me about the eggs
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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