it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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