I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
This house was built for laser tag.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
