probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
