when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
