I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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