You're completely useless in the revolution.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
