I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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