her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
