so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You left your phone here
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