Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
