So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
