I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
