why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
