There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
