Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
