I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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