where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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