OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
