I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
