sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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