I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
