True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
can u get pink eye on your cock?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
