You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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