you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize