we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
