Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
