please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
high people should be assigned attendants
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize