New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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