Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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