the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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