Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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