I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
