i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
