dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
