I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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