But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
