im holly from the hills drunk
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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