garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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