i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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