I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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