I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
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