There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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